I was supposed to be at school, Modesto Junior College at 9:35am, I made it in around 11:00am. My outfit represented my emotions; I wore on my head a bandana of the American Flag. I was VERY angry and VERY hurt. Like most Americans half of me wanted to crouch down in a corner and cry and the other half wanted to kick someone’s ass! When I arrived at school most were still numb. Many were sharing feeling of sorrow, some were concerned, and some were taking this time to voice opinions. There was one thing that separated me from my fellow students that day; I was the Student Body President. This meant I had a role to play that included certain duties and responsibilities, but I was not in the mood to be president. I had also only been on the job for about 2 weeks.
Call it American Pride, Call it a light bulb going off, or call it as Oprah would an ah ha moment, but that day changed me forever. It laid the foundation for the person I would become and laid to rest the person I used to be. I was 24 years of age that day so maybe the timing was just right, but I was done taking things for granted any longer. I will explain more later.
That day is a haze of memories for me. Some I can remember with crystal clear clarity while others are like a hazy dream. I remember standing at the flag pole in the middle of campus and just staring at the flag. I hurt was filled with so much pain. I remember going to classes and talking about things and my teacher’s worried face at how hard I was taking it. I remember an email from a campus administrator saying that the day would go on with business as usual, obviously it did not. My most vivid memory of that day however, was my drive home from school.
As I left the campus the radio played. I was listening to the president’s speech, members of congress, but it was a report of loved ones receiving calls from family members trapped in the twin towers that caused me to pull my car over on the 99 freeway and begin to cry like I had never cried before. The reports had stated that people had called from the Twin Towers to their loved ones and told them they were not going to make it. That just destroyed me. When I finally got home that night I watched the news until I passed out on the couch.
The next morning when I awoke I thought maybe it had been a dream, but as the television continued to show highlights of a nightmare I could not wake up from. I got dressed and headed off to school. When I arrived at school I was upset because there was no television for students to watch the unfolding of this tragedy on. I made arrangements for a television and food to be set up for students. I was later summoned to a meeting where campus leaders would discuss how the campus would respond. I t was decided a vigil would be held five days later.
On September 18, 2001 I spoke at two vigils at Modesto Junior College. At the time it was the most emotional and terrifying thing at I ever had to do. I had only been Student Body President for 3 weeks; I had never given a speech to more than 25 people. I struggled for days to find the words that would do justice. I had to capture what happened, I had to hell stop people form reacting from fear, and I had to represent 16,000 students. End the end it was a speech teacher that inspired the final direction of my speech. He told me to write as if I was the President of the United States and I was speaking the world from my heart. This is what I wrote:
Dear Students, Faculty, Staff, and Administration,
September 11, 2001 is a day forever etched in our minds. This is a tragedy not easily overcome, not that any are. This was not the first time our right to freedom has been challenged, and it may not be the last. President Bush has stated, “Terrorists can shake the foundation biggest buildings, but they cannot shake the foundation of America.” Our forefathers dreamed an impossible dream and made it a reality for all. FREEDOM is what they fought for and to this day, we still protect. This is truly the United States darkest hour, but we will prevail, as did our forefathers. We must now shift our emotions and feelings. No longer can we focused on what happened, no longer can we point fingers. We must now come together as families, communities, and states and as a country. We must join hands and send a message that the United States and democracy as we live it will never fall. Fear is normal, but we must not let fear turn to hate. This is not a time to hate; this is a time to heal. Let us learn from our mistakes of the past and not repeat them in the future. We are a campus of diverse natures. Different ethics, and religions, but we all have one thing in common, the love for our country. We must not let the terrorists divide us, if we do, then they have won. Today is a day when all of us, from every walk of life must unite as one and let freedom ring.
When I finished speaking my eyes were filled with tears, I walked from the stage and collapsed into the arms of our chancellor. The pain was deep. The next day I got to work changing my life for the better. From that day on I said I love you to family and friends all the time. I hugged everyone. My grades improved, my work ethic completely changed. I was a new person. One year later I stood at the flag pole as a led a ceremony for the one year anniversary of the attacks. We dedicated the flag pole and placed a bronze eagle on top and a plaque at the base. I was a new more confident person with a purpose in life.
As the years have come and gone I have been disappointed at the lack of attention the anniversaries have received. I have said each year to my friends we should be doing more to remember the 343 Firefighters and thousands of others lost that day. They are the heroes and they deserve our attention each year, they deserve to be remembered and we should never forget! For me I will never forget, I think about that day at least weekly. I have always said it was the day that changed me. Today, ten years later it hurts as much as it did that did, but seeing the memorial going up in New York and seeing people have faith inspires me. My world is not even close to the same as it was that day, it is a billion times better, but I will always always remember and never forget that day, the day the world stopped turning.
